On Tipping Your Stripper

I see a lot of this stuff going around about “It only seems fair that I can tip a stripper with fake breasts with monopoly money.” I know most of the time they’re only joking, but I do feel it is necessary to point out that while those strippers do have fake titties, they did pay very real money for them. And from what I can tell, it was large amounts of real money. Plastic surgery isn’t cheap, and it’s also very painful judging from my co-workers’ experiences. Although, fake titties do produce this fantastic bouncing effect that few real breasts can reproduce - so they have their perks. 

I recently got asked in my inbox what constitutes a good tip, so I thought I’d address these thoughts at the same time since they’re mildly related. I think this question is best answered with some sort of chart. So here we go:

$0-30 TERRIBLE. Worthy of dirty looks and a post on my blog. 

$30-50 Not terrible, but not good either, per se. I won’t grumble, but I won’t be pleased, either. The website for my most recent company stipulates that a minimum tip is $50, but I don’t think there’s really a way to enforce that. 

$50-80 AVERAGE. What I normally get tipped on a call, if the client isn’t stingy. 

$80-100 NICE. If your client tips you like this and it was just one client, this is a handsome tip. 

Anything above $100 is usually for calls with more than one person present (ie: a party). If a party tips you less than $100, then they’re fucking ridiculous because dividing your attention can be very difficult, especially when the room is demanding and/or drunk. Depending on how many people are there, your tip will vary. I’ve worked parties with up to 50 frat boys there and made a good $800. It’s dependent on a lot of variables. 

I hope that accurately answers your question. :)